I stand in the rain, the sun, the cold, the wind, the heat and I watch. The camera to my face, tracking the movement with my finger on the focus button. Waiting for that one shot.  It may be of my child, it maybe of someone else's child, but I wait.  I keep my camera with me, it guards my mouth from shouting. They love the photos I take but my voice is not what they want to hear. I go to game after game. I drive everyday to the practices to pick her up. It is just as much of a commitment for me as it is for her. Practices everyday after school until 5pm. Games at least twice a week. We've been lucky, there was only one on Saturday. The farthest I've gone to watch has been Sedro Woolley. I pay my money at the places that charge. I greet the other parents and I watch. It's been years of watching my kids play. She's the last and this is only the beginning of high school. I have more years ahead of me. There will be a day that I no longer go to soccer games and I think I might just miss it.

 She is my last child to do this project.  Unfortunately I don't have a photo of the middle's project when he did it last year.
The directions suggested the local grocery store because they have a bulk candy section.  We went back and forth about the cake, the candy, the frosting.  She had a list and yet it was different then what we ended up with.  In the end, this was a project she worked on with her dad.  They baked and frosted and placed candy on the cake.  Then at the last minute she realized that she couldn't use the Reeses Cup because it had peanut butter in it, so out came the bag of frosting and it was altered. Once it went to school I never saw it again.

This year it's only. Last two years it was two and before that it was three.  We are down to only one. Only one has decided to dress up. We've had fun in the past doing a "photoshoot" in front of the house, but this year, I thought I'd asked her to chop off a finger.
Me: "Give me five minutes."
Her: "No, some one will see me."
Me: "Please, just five minutes."
Her:"In the backyard only."
Me: "The back yard doesn't have color and we've always taken photos in the front."
Her: "No."
Me: "This is not a request, it's an order.  Give me five minutes in the front, with your panda suit on. NOW!"

Reluctantly she went to change. Reluctantly she walked outside.  Reluctantly she stood where I told her too. And then....

And then someone she knew drove by and laughed.  And then she started to have fun. And then five minutes was up.  That's all I got.

 The House of the Revolving Door is the name I've given to 5319 Bellaire.  It's an average house, not any different in style than the rest of the houses in the neighborhood.  Nothing that would draw a person to look at it twice.  It blends in. There is nothing special about it at all. There is no revolving door but that is the name none the less.  It comes from the policy that kids are welcome here. There is food in the fridge, and a pool table in the family room along with an Xbox.  The ping pong table in the garage is sometimes cleared off but the bikes, scooters, skateboards and unicycles are there to play with. The soccer balls litter the front porch and there are more inside both the house and the garage.  There are times when the owners aren't home yet the makeshift swing in the front yard is a kid on it and there are more perched in that tree. The bushes and flowers offer great hiding places for nerf gun and water balloon wars. But with all this, there also is a sanctuary for the owners. A place that even if there is a house full of kids, the owners can sit down and have a cup of coffee, curl up on the couch and watch a movie, visit with friends all the while the kids, the teenagers are welcome.This one room is clean, this one room has evolved into a sanctuary of sorts. The latest addition has been this amazing coffee table and side table. The coffee table has gone through it's own transformation. The boards for the top were cut, attached together and then lit on fire. This was to bring out the character of the wood, the knots and grain of the board. It was lovingly sanded and stained and polished, after being placed together it became a work of art. The side table also went through a transformation from salvaged boards and iron pipe to a side table. A theme for the House of the Revolving Door, things can be salvaged, set on fire, polished and put together.

The light is new, peaking over the mountains as I pull into the deserted parking lot.  There is a little chill in the air, and I can almost smell autumn. I step out and the whole world is quiet. I take a breath and feel the calm soak into my bones. Opening the back of the van, I let out the dog. Suddenly the world becomes alive and vibrant. I feel the energy coursing through his whole body as he shakes with excitement. Nose to the ground he covers every inch, smelling in color, noting what animal has crossed the path. On days that sadness invades my world, I have only to take the dog out and I am transported into a world of here and now. Nothing else exists. Pure joy oozes from the dog. We've been here before but it is full of newness and wonder. If only I could bottle the optimism, the joie de vie of the dog. We take this walk at least once a week sometimes more and then one day we no longer could. He had been limping for a while after a long walk and with rest was back to his self, walking and running normally. And then it happened. The ligament tore completely. The limp is pronounced and it is painful to watch him walk. The trip to the back yard causes a popping sound of bones from that leg. His joie de vie is gone, and his days are spent sleeping. The walk to the food dish painful and the floors are slippery for a three legged dog. A trip to the vet confirmed his ACL was torn completely and surgery is needed. I expected $1500 but for his size the procedure is more complex, a cutting of the bone and a twisting, then pins and possibly a metal plate. It means 6 to 8 weeks of inactivity. Then slowly he can start walking a block on a leash, by the end of 12 weeks he might be able to wander the backyard with out a leash. During this time, there is no ball chasing, no stairs, no wandering the house. He needs to be confined to his kennel. It is a slow process and one that is going to be drawn out. I am hopeful that by spring, the dog will be back at full capacity and his joie de vie returned.

Sometimes birthdays are anticlimactic at our house.  We've done the whole big invite everyone over birthday but sometimes the birthdays get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This year is was more of the later than the former with company, and a death, a new member of the family, school sports, and well just craziness.  However, he just rolled with it.  We decorated the house, with his birthday banner, round paper globes, and balloons.  We had his favorite dinner: shrimp scampi and went to Edaleen Dairy for dessert.  We opened presents and just had a very casual day. I made leaf shaped cookies and sandwiched nutella between them.   As I sit and write, reflecting on the changes over the past year, I find that I've learned things about him that I never knew.  I didn't realize how much he leans on and cares about his brother.  Since Isaac has left, he calls Isaac almost every night.  Sometimes Isaac can talk and sometimes he can't, but Job still calls.  Then there are the puns. He loves puns and his mind works and spins the words. Often they are hilarious and then there are the puns that stretch and don't quite make it. He still doesn't care what others think of him, such as how he wears his hat.  Drives me crazy but it is who he is. He's grown and has surpassed me in height by 1 maybe 1 1/2 inches but he's still taller.  His wardrobe consists of sweats or school uniform pants, a t-shirt and a hoodie.  Jeans are too constricting for him. When he has a goal, he works hard to accomplish it.  He can get straight As when he wants to but doesn't like the stress of it. He generally doesn't push the boundaries but when he does his go to words are "I'm just saying....."  Often times he watches how Isaac or Lona respond and then he kind of puts his head down and keeps out of the cross fire.  I wonder what this next year holds for him and how he's going to change.

Not quite two years and they are off.  She was so happy to get them on and then reality set in.  It didn't take long maybe twenty-four hours and she wanted to change her mind. However after 22 months of braces and bands, they came off.  It was worth it.  At least for me it was. As I look at her face, I see such a change from really a little girl to a young almost woman. I see the growth in her, the maturity as she navigates the whole school - social thing. These trips to the orthodontist were more than fixing her teeth. They were little time outs as we talked in the car to and from the office.  They were little moments of milk shakes the next day as we nursed sore teeth but also but also sad feelings or emotional highs.  I had no idea that fixing teeth was more about strengthening relationships and opening lines of communication.  The straight teeth, beautiful smile, well I think that was the bonus plan.

The slamming of the door echos as the kids head off to the bus stop at the end of the street. The rooms of the house are dark, quiet and still. I sit at the counter thinking of all that needs to be accomplished during the day. The appointments made, groceries bought, laundry folded and ironed, toilets cleaned. There are photos to process, posts for work, meals planned. I start in on the day and by 10 am most of it is done.  The photos are an ongoing process, each one looked at, decided upon, imported and processed so that it matches my idea in my mind. It's quiet and still.  I get up from the computer and walk around, refilling a cup of coffee or walking outside. I waited for this moment, when I could have a day of quiet, when I could contain the chaos of the house. I sit at the counter for breakfast and lunch alone now. I plan out dinner when we can be all together. I hope the oldest might Facetime and join us for dinner. I am still getting used to him being gone and the other two at school. They were at school last year but I had 2 maybe 2 1/2 hours to myself.  The oldest had classes at running start and so was home most of the day.  I think of my grandparents that have breakfast together every morning.  Right now, we all get up at the same time, but we don't eat together.  My husband stands in the kitchen and basically has a snack, some ham, a piece of fruit and half my coffee. I'm packing lunches and calling to the kids to come downstairs. They arrive at different times only to pull out cereal and milk or toast and juice, then off they go to finish getting ready. Finally the morning chaos is over and I am alone.  I shower, make the bed and finally sit down for breakfast myself only to find the rest of my coffee has grown cold. I had a sip of it. Is there a better way?