It's a Dawn, A New Day, A New Life...

And I'm feeling good.  (Michael Buble)
I have always loved that song.  It has kind of a James Bond feel to it and the video kind of goes along with it.  Well over Christmas I just kind of lost it.  My schedule has been, get one kid off to school with lunch made by 7:15, two others up with home school starting by 8 am, get the house clean at least once a week, laundry, groceries and then in the afternoon/evenings the hecticness started. In the fall,  Isaac had soccer practice and games after school so I would pick him up at 4:15 or go to his games.  If he rode the activity bus home, he didn't get home until 6:00 after leaving the house at 7:15am (too long).  Then add in Job and Lona,  Lona had soccer practice Monday and Wednesdays and Job had soccer on Tuesdays and Fridays.  Then Awana was/is Wednesday nights but it takes 25 minutes to get there.  Thursdays, Lona and Job has music lessons in Lynden and then Lona has Ballet in Bellingham.  Fridays Lona had ballet for the Christmas program but that was just until middle of December.  Soccer games were on Saturdays for Job and Lona. Isaac would spend all day at the soccer fields reffing.  Sunday saw us at church sometimes driving two different cars because John is in charge of the sound crew and I get things ready for Sunday School.  Then with outdoor soccer season being over, we went directly into indoor soccer season with Job adding parcour.  This video is what he is learning to do.
So then our schedule changed but without even a week break.  Mondays Job has parcour, Tuesdays Lona has indoor soccer, Wednesday is Awana still, Thursdays still with music and ballet and John playing indoor soccer anytime from 7 to 11 pm.  Fridays Job had soccer games and we started attending a small group. Saturday Isaac had soccer games.  Towards the end, John decided to add in Futsal on Saturdays for Isaac.  Then Sundays were the same.   In the middle of December Isaac was out from school for the "winter" break (no longer Christmas break).  I thought things would slow down but they didn't.  It just seemed like we had something going on every night adding in having other kids over during the day or driving the kids someplace.  John purchased a month membership at the YMCA.  There was drop in futsal games during the break that the kids could play in.  I was tired of spending hours in the car and never leaving the county.  It would be 1/2 hour to soccer games, 1/2 hour back; 1/2 hour to music, 1/2 hour back; 20 minutes to dance, 20 minutes back.  I really couldn't just drop Lona off at dance because it was too far to go home and then back to get her.  Awana I am the secretary so I am there the whole time. I had asked maybe to cut something out.  No one wanted to cut out one of their activities.  John and I had planned a week vacation just the two of us right before school started while the kids were in Montana with my Mom but he had to cancel due to work.  We had two days together but were traveling.  Then I had a weekend planned in Seattle.  John would have missed the first indoor games for the boys, but that weekend was canceled due to the fact he had to go to Chicago and didn't get back until Friday.  He doesn't like to travel and once home, it would have been hard for him to turn around and leave again. I stopped making dinner during this time as well.  I would make dinner and then everyone would just have cereal because they didn't like to have a full stomach. They were eating cereal before activities and later before bed.  The dinner I cooked would end up just going in the garbage after sitting in the fridge.  I can't remember the times I was asked "did you get this?  I told you that I needed this?"  I didn't remember anyone saying anything to me.  They wouldn't write it down, so how did I know that gerbil food needed to be bought or insulin needed to be ordered or shoes needed to be purchased.  I'm sure that they told me while I was in the bathroom.  It never fails that as soon as I shut the door to the bathroom someone has a question that needs to be answered immediately.  I didn't have time to go to the bathroom.  I had asked John if we could go away for an evening during Christmas (he took vacation) but he had promised to take the kids skiing, I had a back appointment and really couldn't do anything that night, and we had other scheduled activities.  I took one day to get up early and read a book for a couple of hours.  When I asked if John could take Lona and Job to play at a friends' house his response was that he didn't know how to get there and he was planning to paint the bathroom ceiling.  Ok, so another 40 minutes in the car to drop them off and come home knowing I would spend another 40 minutes picking them up and another 2 hours taking Isaac somewhere that night because John had a soccer game.  I was going to spend almost 4 hours in the car running the kids around. I had asked Isaac to take care of something while I was away.  When I got home they were both watching a video game replay and I lost it.  It wasn't like that was what they were doing all day, they were just taking a break from work.  I happened to walk in at that time - the wrong time for my mind frame.  I yelled at them.  I cried.  I fought with John.  I was tired of being Mom, of doing things for everyone.  To top it off this crazy schedule was starting up again in a few days and John and I didn't even have time for dinner with John alone without the kids. I couldn't see us getting out together until June.  I mean really, the only evening I had/have is Sunday night not running around. I decided to quit.  I quit being a Mom and being part of the family.  I didn't go out to a friend's house with the family.  I didn't go to the New Year's Eve party we were invited to.  I didn't go to church.  I didn't make breakfast, lunch or dinner.  I didn't talk to the kids.  I could barely talk to John.  I was ready to purchase a ticket away.  John did the best thing for me.  He left me alone.  He took the kids out of the house for hours at a time every day.  He made breakfast, lunch and dinner.  He took care of the schedule.  He helped the kids clean the house.  He gave me time.  I think that was the best gift over Christmas.  Time.  Even now I get a little overwhelmed at things.  I so want to go away with him.  To have time with him.  He's my best friend but our time together is 15 minutes before we go to bed while we brush our teeth.  The kids are supposed to be in bed by 9pm but it never happens.  I know as they get older, they'll be up later and carving out that time with him will be harder but I know that someday we'll be the only two here.  I want him to be my best friend still when it's just us two.  I realize that others have it harder than I do - divorce, schooling, family estrangement, health, disabilities, and the list goes on.  I just lost it for a few days.  A friend of mine came by, watched our kids, their kids, brought pizza for everyone and sent us out the door for dinner.  It was nice to be able to have some time like that.  I am thankful for my friends.  I am ready to face the world again and know that each day is new, each moment is a gift, God's mercies are given every day, every hour and I have a new life with Him.  I am feeling good.
Pinned Image
from pinterest. 

(None of the photos/videos are by me.)


Michelle said...

Well said. I feel your pain as I think you just described my hectic life! :-)

Sandi said...

Blech. So glad you are feeling better about life. Sometimes you just need to check out for a while. <3

tara said...

You are amazing. Love your transparency and your zeal for life. I don't know how you do what you do. Thanks for sharing the real stuff, the nitty gritty. And for being you.