Prayer in the Laundry Room

























About 12 years ago.  I still can't believe that it's been that long but it has.  I was in the laundry room pregnant, ironing, desperate, sad, scared, not knowing what the future was going to hold.  John had to  gotten this job at the refinery about a year before and started having problems with his hands.  We were in the middle of going to doctors.  We were seeing doctors at least once a week for a year. We saw all kinds of specialists from Bellingham to Seattle, Neurologists, rheumatologist, psychiatrist, physical therapists, massage therapists, they were a doctor we saw them.  John had severe pain in his arms, tingling and numbness in his hands.  No one could figure it out.  They said he was depressed, it was in his head.  They said it wasn't carpal tunnel.  It hurt to button shirts, it hurt to drive, he couldn't use a knife.  He was dependent upon me to do so much and I was pregnant for most of that time.  He had to switch positions at work because he couldn't do his job.  We were scared that he would lose his job or have to quit.  I thought at the time that I would have to go to work, leave my little ones at home.  I didn't know what I could do.  I had let me teacher certification expire.  It wouldn't have paid the bills anyway.  I remember being in the laundry room, ironing shirts crying and praying that God would show us the way and saying that I was willing to do whatever He required.  If it was go to work then I would even though I didn't want to.  I was willing to listen to Him.  Within four months we found out what was wrong and he was able to keep his job.  A couple of years later, we were at our whits end with our child.  He had failure to thrive syndrome.  I was giving him all sorts of food yet he wouldn't eat.  Finally someone suggested taking him off of wheat/gluten.  I was overwhelmed with how to feed this kid however I became educated with it and  he started to slowly get better but he couldn't eat anything with gluten in it.  We had been doing this diet for over a year or so and our church camp out came and went.  There were all sorts of goodies and food at the camp out.  Moms were trading recipes and talking about the snacks and campfire food they were serving in their tent spots.  I couldn't feed my child all these foods that the other mothers were feeding their children.  All our food was thought out and made specially at home for this camp out.  At that time, finding gluten free soy sauce was hard, let alone dough for grilled pizza.  There were no muffins or biscuits baked in tinfoil next to the fire.  There were no s'mores, no gold fish crackers, no "fun" foods.  I came home saddened and angry.  I thought of families that had lots of children and I was in my laundry room when I asked God, "Why does my child have to have this problem?"  "Why couldn't I have children that were normal like the mom's with lots of children?"  Then I realized that I just needed to deal with it, it wasn't as hard as other problems other moms were dealing with.  I realized that I had something to learn and I was going to trust God with this too.  It was another year or so before we were able to put him back on gluten.  Now here I am back in my laundry room, folding laundry asking God about our future.  Trusting him to direct our steps.  Wanting to hear the voice behind me, saying "this is the way walk in it."  I realize that even though we have plans for our future, it is uncertain.  The only certainty is here and now.  We can't change the past, we can plan for the future but even and hour from now, is uncertain.  I am waiting to hear how John's interview went.  I am waiting to see if we move to Texas.  I am waiting to know what will happen in the next few weeks, few months.  I don't know where my kids will go to school.  Is it here?  Is it in Texas?  I don't know.  I don't know when we will find out.  I just know that what ever happens God is in charge and I am willing to wait, though it's hard.

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