Lead me...

Some times, ok, most of the time, it is so hard to sit and wait, to be still and content, to wait upon the Lord. About 9 years ago John applied for a position in Spain.  I was quick to dream and hope to move.  They didn't consider him at all. There were three things that the applicant needed and he only had one.  Another applicant had two things but she wasn't considered either. Then Isaac was diagnosed with diabetes.  I was thankful that we weren't in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language.  There have been other job consideration within the same company over the years.  Last year, he looked at a position in England that ended up being a position in Chicago instead.  Not what we were hoping for.  A temporary position in Indiana but we would have had to stay here while he worked there, again not for us.  Then there was Alaska, sounded good but something wasn't right about it.  He had only applied to one of those positions.  I thought that was it, we were settled here for good.  I started planning backyard projects and house projects.  I've always had some kind of house project planned but they were minor; paint a room, replace some faucets and door handles but now I started to dream.  Maybe remodel the kitchen in five years or have built in bookcases surrounding the fireplace.  Isaac applied to the community college and was accepted. I started counting down the years until our house was paid off.  Then this position opened up and we talked about it.  The night before the application was due John said that he wasn't applying.  I was fine with it, maybe a tad bit disappointed but really was ok.  I asked again if he still felt the same in the morning and yep, he was not going to apply.  Ok, I had put to rest house hunting and moving lists and started thinking about summer projects and vacations. Then at 10 am he called to tell me that he had sent in his application and it was accepted.  What happened from 6 am to 10am?  I don't know. He said that it just seemed to make sense to apply.  Well what can I say to that?  We talked to the kids about it, we talked to each other about it.  I started to pray almost constantly about this decision. He doesn't have the job but does have an interview.  We had to wait almost three weeks to hear about whether or not he would be given an interview; a little hard to wait.  Things are starting to change at work for him a little bit.  His work load is starting to be doled out, some of his supervisors have offered to help him prepare for the interview and talking about how great it is in Texas for families and for the opportunity.  I have come to realize how much I like it here. I love my friends, my church family, my house.  I love how green everything is all the time.  I think spring may be my favorite time, when in rains gently for the day but it isn't cold and it isn't heavy it's refreshing instead. The cloudy days are followed by sunny days. I love the hiking, the trails, the beauty of this place.  I'm scared about the future in a place I don't know.  I don't know the schools, the neighborhoods, the culture.  Yes, it's in the US but each area has a little bit different culture.  I am holding this future in an open hand.  I am willing to both go and to stay, to support my husband with whatever decision he makes.  Sometimes the fear of the unknown keeps us from really experiencing something and sometimes it keeps us from making mistakes.  I don't know what the future holds but I'm willing to do what is asked with a cheerful heart.  It can be both scary and exciting, sad and happy, bitter and sweet.  I would have these emotions for both going or staying here.  The waiting to know is hard yet I'm preparing by cleaning out the house.  If we stay I've let go of clutter, if we go then there is less work to do in the end.  It's a win win situation.  All I can do is wait upon the Lord


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